Political humor

Discussion in 'Politics and Religion' started by jeeper1, May 9, 2016.

  1. jeeper1

    jeeper1 New Member

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    Imagine, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar. Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says, “The media is really tearing you apart for that scandal.”

    Hillary: “You mean my lying about Benghazi?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “You mean the massive voter fraud?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “Using my secret private server with classified material to hide my activities?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”

    Hillary: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything lse?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “Using the Clinton Foundation as a cover for tax evasion, hiring cronies, And taking bribes from foreign countries?
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “You mean the drones being operated in our own country without the benefit of the law?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million, and right afterward it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “You mean arming the Muslim Brotherhood and hiring them in the White House?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “Whitewater, Watergate committee, Vince Foster, commodity deals?”
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “The funding of neo-Nazis in the Ukraine that led to the toppling of the democratically elected president and to the biggest crisis that country has had since WWII?”
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “Turning Libya into chaos?”
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “Being the mastermind of the so-called “Arab Spring” that only brought chaos, death and destruction to the Middle East and North Africa ?
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “Leaving four Americans to die in Benghazi and go to sleep?
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “Trashing Mubarak, one of our few Muslim friends?”
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “Encouraging and supporting the murders of Palestinians and the destruction of their homes, towns and villages by Israel ?”
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “The funding and arming of terrorists in Syria, the destruction and destabilization of that nation, giving the order to our lapdogs in Turkey and Saudi Arabia to give sarin gas to the “moderate” terrorists in Syria that they eventually used on civilians, and framed Assad, and had it not been for the Russians and Putin, we would have used that as a pretext to invade Syria, put a puppet in power, steal their natural resources, and leave that country in total chaos, just like we did with Libya?
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “The creation of the biggest refugees crisis since WWII
    Trump: “No the other one:”


    Hillary: “Leaving Iraq in chaos? ”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “The DOJ spying on the press?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “You mean HHS Secretary Sibelius shaking down health insurance Executives?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “Giving our cronies in SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and three months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “The NSA monitoring citizens’ ?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General Investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “Me, The IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “Threats to all of Bill’s former mistresses to keep them quiet”
    Trump: “No, the other one.”


    Hillary: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I’ve got it! When I stole the White House furniture and silverware when Bill left office?”
    Trump: “THAT’S IT! I almost forgot about that one”.
     
  2. SavageGuy

    SavageGuy Active Member

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    So.........who are you voting for?
     

  3. buster40c

    buster40c Well-Known Member

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    And to think guns and gender bathrooms are the real problem in this country. What a laugh that is. It really is pitiful rather than humorous that the sheep just keep grazing without ever looking up.
     
  4. buster40c

    buster40c Well-Known Member

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    So, I was walking downtown and I saw that there was a Muslim Book Store. I wondered what exactly is in a Muslim book store, so I went in.

    As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye but asked if he could help me.

    I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?

    The clerk said, Kiss my hind end, get out, and stay out!

    I said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
     
  5. SavageGuy

    SavageGuy Active Member

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    ^^just got done rereading that....still laughing.....
     
  6. gunslinger669

    gunslinger669 Active Member

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    So a conspiracy nut, a racist and a mentally handicapped guy walk into a bar.......
     
  7. buster40c

    buster40c Well-Known Member

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    Labeling is often the same as selling crap as fertilizer. In the end it doesn't change what it is, just crap.
     
  8. gunslinger669

    gunslinger669 Active Member

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    No, that's marketing and advertising. Labeling would list the contents as crap. Just have to know where to look; it's pretty obvious once you've seen one label.
     
  9. jeeper1

    jeeper1 New Member

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    Founded By Geniuses, Run By Idiots.



    If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If, in the nation's largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

    THINK BEFORE YOU VOTE IN ALL UPCOMING ELECTIONS. MOST OF THE IDIOTS RUNNING THIS COUNTRY SAY ONE THING AND DO THE OPPOSITE KNOWING THAT THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED THEM IN DO NOT PAY ATTENTION

    LET'S SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!!



    IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER
    ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

    IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER
    ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

    IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER
    ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

    IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER
    ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

    IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER
    ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

    IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER
    ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

    IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
    YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

    IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET ……. !!!
    A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE,
    SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE,
    FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS,
    SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
    FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE,
    A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
    BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
    THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU
    PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
    AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.


    I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION !!!

    IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP AMERICA !!! ​
     
  10. VThillman

    VThillman Active Member

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    Ahem. The subtleties in this exchange aren't so much.

    BTW, labeling a sack of crap as simply crap may be insufficient. I've been informed that sheep crap and cow crap should be applied differently in the garden. And everybody knows about horsepucky.
     
  11. threetango

    threetango Special Dance Instructor

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  12. phideaux

    phideaux Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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    Only if/when perverted ulterior motives are included.^^^^






    Jim
     
  13. phideaux

    phideaux Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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  14. phideaux

    phideaux Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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  15. buster40c

    buster40c Well-Known Member

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    and today the story is...........
     

    Attached Files:

  16. phideaux

    phideaux Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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    NBA VS NFL
    Even if you aren't a Sports Fan this is Very Interesting!




    ****************


    36 have been accused of spousal abuse,

    7 have been arrested for fraud,

    19 have been accused of writing bad checks,

    117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses,

    3 have done time for assault,

    71, – repeat – 71


    cannot get a credit card due to bad credit,


    14 have been arrested on drug-related charges,

    8 have been arrested for shoplifting,

    21 currently are defendants in lawsuits,
    And
    84 have been arrested for drunk driving –
    In the last year !


    Can you guess which organization this is?
    Is it the NBA or NFL?


    Give up yet?

    Scroll down,






    Neither,
    it's the 535 members of the
    United States Congress

    The same group of idiots that crank out
    hundreds of new laws each Year
    designed to keep the rest of us in line.

    Jim
     
  17. buster40c

    buster40c Well-Known Member

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    AMERICANS TELLING IT LIKE IT SHOULD BE

    BULLETIN…

    Redskins finally drop offensive name…

    Neil Snyder, owner of the National Football League team, TheWashington Redskins, has announced that following in-depth research into the acceptance of the team name, " It is conclusive that the name has been found offensive “.

    Beginning with the 2017 season, Snyder is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as "The Redskins.”
    Results of the research discovered that the word "Washington" imparts a Huge Negative Image Of Piss Poor Leadership, Mismanagement, Corruption, Cheating, Lying, Graft and Bribery that is not a fitting role-model for young and older fans of football!
     
  18. phideaux

    phideaux Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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    A very simple way to explain 'How Politics Work'.



    I told my son, "I want you to marry a girl of my choice!"
    He said, "NO!"
    I told him its Bill Gates daughter!
    He said, "OKAY!"
    Got in contact with Bill Gates & told him, "I want your daughter to marry my son!"
    He said, "NO!"
    Told him my son was the CEO of the World Bank!
    He said, "OKAY!"
    Went to the President of the World Bank and told him to make my son CEO of the Bank!
    He said, "NO!"
    Told him my son was Bill Gates Son in Law!
    He said, "OKAY!"
    That's exactly how politics works.


    Jim
     
  19. phideaux

    phideaux Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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  20. phideaux

    phideaux Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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