Bar talk

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by jeeper1, Aug 26, 2015.

  1. jeeper1

    jeeper1 New Member

    A woman walked up to the bar in a quiet rural pub and gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

    "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

    "Actually, no," he replied.

    "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

    "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

    "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

    "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

    "Tell him," she whispered, “there's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room.”
  2. MagBlackhawk

    MagBlackhawk Patriot

    Now that's ahhh, well a good one. :eek:

  3. DoubleR

    DoubleR Active Member

    Pretty funny! Lol!
  4. buster40c

    buster40c Well-Known Member

    I think the bar tender got sick then grabbed the nearest bottle to rinse with.
  5. berettabone

    berettabone In the army now..

    A guy walks in to a bar with his monkey. He orders a drink and his monkey starts jumping all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. He then jumps on the pool table and eats a billiard ball. The bartender says, " Did you see that, the monkey ate all my stuff, and he just ate one of my billiard balls." The owner says, " Yeah, I'm sorry, he eats everything in sight, I'll pay for the damages". 2 weeks later, the guy comes back to the bar with his monkey, orders a drink, and his monkey starts jumping all over again, eating everything in sight. He finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He sticks it in his rear, pulls it back out, and eats it. The bartender says. " Now look what he did, that's disgusting". The owner says, "Yeah, he still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that billiard ball, he measures everything first."
  6. berettabone

    berettabone In the army now..

    A guy walks in to a bar with an alligator by his side. He lifts the alligator on to the bar, at the astonishment of the patrons. He then proceeds to announce, " I will put my genitals in this alligators mouth for one minute, and in return, you will all buy me a drink." With some nodding and quiet approval from the crowd, the man drops his trousers, inserts his genitals in to the alligators mouth, and the alligator shuts it's mouth. A minute later, again to the astonishment of the patrons, he takes a bottle and raps the alligator hard on the head, the alligator opens his mouth, and the man removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone was amazed. He then says, " I will offer anyone $100 if they dare repeat this feat". A hand goes up in the back of the room. A small woman says, "I'll give it a try, but you have to promise not to hit me so hard with the bottle".