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Old 07-31-2017, 12:21 AM   #571
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A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are some of the more "honest" replies.

If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love....who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

8. Am I dreaming?

9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she.
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Old 07-31-2017, 02:11 PM   #572
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Old 08-01-2017, 01:41 PM   #573
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An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Gotta love older people!
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Old 08-12-2017, 05:25 PM   #574
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I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old.

In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking…maybe she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?

'What's that?' I asked

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

As my mind began to embrace the idea, I wondered what her daughter might look like.

I said, 'No, I haven't.'

We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'

We went back to her place. We walked in
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'


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Old 08-13-2017, 01:35 AM   #575
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Did NOT see that coming! (Pun not intended).That was funny. Sounds like the luck I used to have when I was single!
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